Book Review: “Always: A Handbook for Marriage” by Jim Gallagher

If we went for a coffee today… I’d be thinking about the bag of Cafė Monte Real from the Dominican Republic that one of the people at church gave me. It has bits of chocolate nibs mixed into the coffee beans.

Talking about this book would also be on my mind.

How did I get the book?

I don’t know! LOL. Seriously, I don’t remember how or where I picked this little volume up. It could have been at the Deep South Pastor’s Conference last fall, that’s my first guess. But, it could have been at another conference. I really don’t remember.

I don’t know why I picked it up. First, it’s from a Calvary Chapel pastor that I know, Jim Gallagher, and I’ve always enjoyed hearing him teach at the conferences I’ve attended. I wanted to know what he had to say about any topic.

Second, because it’s about marriage. I was curious what he had to say and what insights he might have. I don’t have access to a handbook sized volume to make available to people. I was hoping this would be a great resource especially for strained marriages in military families.

What is it about?

Marriage.

From the back cover:

“The purpose of this book is to introduce you to Biblical principles that will serve as the foundation stones of your marriage relationship. Since marriage was designed by God, it is within His Word that we will find spiritual, practical and helpful instruction to guide us through whatever hilltops and valleys our marital journey takes us through.”

Pastor Jim in a methodic yet lively way walks through all the basic foundational beliefs that we as Christians have about marriage. He sources straight from the Bible.

Chapter 1 “Our Story” (a brief look at his own marriage)

Chapter 2 “A Fairytale Gone Wrong” (analysis of Adam and Eve and the fall)

Chapter 3 “It’s All Good” (God’s design for marriage… it’s good)

Chapter 4 “Love and Submission” (examines men’s and women’s roles)

Chapter 5 “It Does Not Belong to You” (physical affection in marriage)

Chapter 6 “We’re Not Going Anywhere” (managing conflict)

Chapter 7 “Time is Running Out” (marriage and ministry)

Chapter 8 “He Won’t Listen” (backslidden spouses)

Chapter 9 “Handle with Care” (being sensitive to each other)

Chapter 10 “Calling in the Cavalry” (getting outside help)

A Parting Thought - (encouragement to invest in marriage)

What did I think of it?

Well, here’s the excerpts that I marked. After that I’ll sum up my thoughts.

In Chapter 3, “It’s All Good” I loved this quote he used from Matthew Henry:

“The woman was made from a rib, out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

I wanted to keep that. It’s good.

At the close of that chapter he gives some rules for fair fights:

1. No name-calling. If an argument reaches that point, then it’s time to head to your corners and take a break.

2. No bringing up issues from the past. Whatever we might have said or done prior to this fight should already have been forgiven. It cannot be ammunition for a present conflict.

3. Under no circumstances, are we ever to use the word “divorce“. Struggles in our marriage are not signs that we should quit but are opportunities to make improvements.

I love that. It’s very practical.

In Chapter 7, “Time is Running Out,” Pastor Jim makes a compelling argument for married couples to do ministry together. He then shares an unintended benefit:

“A few years ago, I met a young man who was serving the Lord on the mission field. He was fresh out of high school and prior to college he wanted to spend a few years in West Africa serving Christ. As we talked, I learned that his family would take their vacation time and go on short term mission. Over the years, they had been able to participate in missions all over the world. It was on a trip to West Africa a few years earlier that he sensed the call of God on his life for ministry. This is a great example of a married couple living in light of the imminent return of Christ. Sadly, I’ve also witnessed many families use their marriage or children as an excuse for why they cannot participate in ministry.”

That’s really powerful.

Lastly, I marked a great insight in Chapter 8, “He Won’t Listen” where he’s addressing difficult problems in marriage. He writes:

“Not every battle is worth fighting, and not every battle needs to be won. If we carry on using the American Revolution as example, then it is worth noting that the colonists lost more battles than they won. But they won the battles that mattered most. A spouse can win an argument and lose a war.”

That’s the voice of experience speaking.

I was very impressed with this little handbook. Pastor Jim is a very, very good writer. This is an excellent handbook and I believe it will be a wonderful resource in the hands of pastors and church members that want to encourage married people, especially ones that are intimidated or hesitant to read something larger.

What was even more impressive about this handbook was discovering in a conversation with Jim how the book came about. He described writing 75% of it in a moment of inspiration on a flight from Tucson to Florida. Over the next couple of months he finished it. His administrative assistant edited it. They printed a bunch and handed them out to the church and has made them available for purchase anywhere he’s a guest speaker. The cover photo comes from a church used mostly for weddings near their town. It’s almost covered its costs.

It deserves more widespread attention. It’s excellent.

I don’t say that often.

Conclusion:

Once again, I’m a HUGE fan of pastors writing books in response to needs in their own congregations, or needs they see in our society. Obviously, when inspiration hits… also known as the Holy Spirit… let’s share that.

This is a great little handbook, and something that any and every pastor should have no hesitation in sharing with a young couple that has just been engaged, or a struggling couple waiting for their appointment with the pastor.

Are there other handbooks for marriage that I’m not aware of? Is there a book by a local pastor that you think is excellent that I should read?

This coffee is great too!

soon!

andy