Book Review: “Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 Lies That Keep Men From Becoming Fully Alive.” By Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson
If we went for a coffee today, I’d love to tell you about this book that was just released and I read on the weekend.
How did I get this book?
It’s a bit fuzzy how it happened. But, somehow I ended up on Jon Tyson’s email list. He writes about once a week or so, something about men and being a dad and the culture we live in. His emails are always interesting because they are so out of the regular fare of my diet of Christian resources. He’s originally from Australia, but been a pastor in New York City for a couple of decades. He always includes quotes that would appeal to the non-Christian.
Some of those emails have been stellar. And, I’ve shared them.
Anyway, he’s teamed up with Jefferson Bethke, who I remember from his viral video a few years ago, and they have been doing a bunch of events and ministry to men for the last couple of years.
They released this book. Jon announced it in the emails. I bought a copy because I like Jon’s writing, am interested in the topic, and I want to see if writing about a newly released book might get a couple of extra clicks. I’m still figuring out Substack and this would give me an experiment.
What’s it about?
Jeff and Jon are convinced that men are in rough shape in Western Culture. They have identified 7 lies that come up over and over again in their conversations and ministry to men. The book is built around exploring the topics that those lies are found in:
Chapter 1: The Eclipse (explains how they see the current state of men, living in shadows instead of the light)
Chapter 2: The Shadow of Despair - The Lie: “There is nothing really worth living for.” The truth: “Your hope is secure in Jesus.”
Chapter 3: The Shadow of Loneliness - The Lie: “Loneliness is part of being a man.” The truth: “Friendship is a superpower.”
Chapter 4: The Shadow of Shame - The Lie: “I need to do everything possible to prevent people from seeing my failures and weaknesses.” The truth: “God delights in you, even though you aren’t perfect.”
Chapter 5: The Shadow of Lust - The Lie: “I am a slave to my sexual desires.” The truth: “Faithfulness is the key to my formation.”
Chapter 6: The Shadow of Ambition - The Lie: “Ambition is fuel for personal success.” The truth: “Ambition is a gift from kingdom impact.”
Chapter 7: The Shadow of Futility - The Lie: “My work doesn’t matter.” The truth: “You have a calling to serve and heal the world.”
Chapter 8: The Shadow of Apathy - The Lie: “There is nothing worth giving yourself for.” The truth: “You were born to live a life of consequence.”
They trade off in different chapters telling stories from their life. They wrote it in a format that would make it very easy to adapt for a men’s group or a retreat.
It’s full of quotes like this one:
“A [man] should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects” - Robert Anson Heinlein
And, then insights into our relationship with God like this one:
“Living in God’s will brings us options and freedom, within a range that’s defined not so much by the bullseyes we hit but by the big parameters of obedience to godly principles paired with right motives.
Her’s another way to look at it. Imagine if a dad said, “you need to go to this school, marry this person, take this job,” and so on. We’d call that dad controlling. But a dad who is in a relationship with you, constantly watching you, and giving you freedom to make decisions under hi supervision and guidance? A father who, when he notices you making some bad decisions, lovingly nudges you back to the sandbox? That’s a good father.
Doesn’t this sound like the garden of Eden, the kind of freedom God always intended for humans? He provided a whole garden to play in—just one tree forbidden to eat from. one is freedom and choice, with specific boundaries.”
What did I think about it?
I dog eared a lot of pages so that I could go back to them. There were incredible insights on each of these topics.
In the introduction, there’s an incredible story of Diogenes and his interaction with Alexander the Great. It’s epic.
The strongest part of the book for me was the chapter on friendship. Jeff is really on to something there. His passion for it lept off the page. I’ve been continuing to meditate on it since reading it. It feels like a seed went down in my heart and will produce something.
The insights into shame were very helpful. They quote Curt Thompson who said that shame follows a particular order: “First, it’s felt. Then sensed. Then imagined. And, finally, it is thought.” That is so helpful in considering you can’t always think your way out of it.
I’ve already used the four levels of ruling from page 137.
Ruling yourself
Ruling a small team (marriage)
Ruling a tribe
Ruling a city.
The most difficult chapter for me to get through was the first one describing the eclipse. It was obvious that they were excited about what they were about to share but I had a hard time grabbing on to it.
This is common for me, as many of you that have been reading these can attest. For whatever reason I seem to feel out of step with the norm. I’m told that’s normal for my Gen X generation. But, still.
On the whole, I think Jeff and Jon have given the church, and especially men a great resource. This is the current iteration of what John Eldridge did years ago through “Wild at Heart.” It’s different. This addresses what’s happening with men today.
Conclusion:
Well, I’m passing this book on to a friend. And, then, I’m hoping to get it into the hands of the man who leads our men’s ministry to see what he thinks.
It’s already in my mind and my dreams to have a fire with some guys around discussing some of these things. That vision that Jeff paints is quite compelling.
What’s your favourite book on the topic of men? Are you on Jon Tyson’s email list?
soon!
andy
